…If so, do you feel alone, or like you’re less of a Christian because of those feelings? If yes, know that I understand just how you’re feeling.
I can remember during the early days of this walk, I was down many days. Actually, during that time I was still suffering, majorly, from the darkness of depression (something that started in my youth). Because of that, I often felt like an outcast Christian (and sometimes, not like a Christian at all), like something had to be wrong with me. After all, every other Christian I was around, or every Christian author’s blog I read, displayed happiness, or said they were ‘blessed and highly favored,’ or intimated they had no cares in the world, that nothing bothered them…and it was all attributed to their BIG faith. So, what was wrong with me? Did I really not have enough faith (as some would say)? I just didn’t understand, which made my dark days even worse… that is, until I met David – outside of the Goliath story – (Psalms 42 and 43), Asaph (Psalm 77), Paul (2 Corinthians 1:3-11), Elijah (1 Kings 19), Jeremiah (Jeremiah 20:7-18), Job (Book of Job)—real men of God, with real-life stories found in God’s Word.
These six men didn’t feign perfection, they didn’t act like they had it all together, they didn’t act like this walk was all ease and roses. Instead, they admitted their dark days, their hardships, and the feelings of despair that came upon them at times. And, their truth, their authenticity (along with much confirmation from God), is what caused my soul to rest. I could then exclaim that yes, I was a true Christian, and no, I wasn’t crazy. (Note: these men also taught me how to overcome those dark times and rest in God’s strength and sovereignty.)
Sisters, if you feel down sometimes, blue, or even if you suffer from depression, understand that it’s okay; it doesn’t make you any less of a Christian. Believe it or not, you’re not in this battle alone (1 Peter 5:9); other sisters and brothers are in the same fight you are in, although your feelings may convince you otherwise. Truth be told, I still have hard days, and I still have days when depression try to rear its ugly head and reign supreme in my life. Nevertheless, I remind myself that I have overcome that (through God’s grace), I pray for strength (even if I can only muster, Lord, give me strength), I remember the goodness of God and the daily provision He provides, and I stand steadfast on His Word – His (eternal) promises to all who believe (e.g., John 14:1-3; Revelation 21:2-4).
That’s what you must do also.
There will always be things in our lives that threaten to bring us back to the dark side, or to keep us bound in darkness; however, we must persevere, anyway. We must remember God’s eternal promises (as all of this is only temporary, cf. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18) and stand on them.
That said, sisters, rest in God’s promises, and rest in His joy and strength (cf. Nehemiah 8:10). Release control (because that’s major when it comes to our feelings), and trust Him to take care of you. He’s more than capable. I promise.
(P.S. If your depression is severe, I’d urge you to seek help, all the while studying your Word and praying to God for help in overcoming (or rising above) it, as He’s the ultimate helper/healer.)